SHELBYVILLE, TN – The Licker crowd handed Chicago based Chris Mather Purple Person assigned to spin things for the Celebration and PSHA one WHOPPER of an assignment.
PURPLE STRATEGIES – HEAD OF CHICAGO OFFICE – CHRIS MATHER
The Lickers said “Hey Look, Chris, we have blown $500,000.00 being card carrying stupid in a fight with the United States over Federal Regulations under the HPA to stop soring. We tried to stop them from stopping soring. Wait Chris, that doesn’t sound right, does it.”
Oh heck, Chris, it is what it is. And that’s what why we are paying you. Please try to cap this gusher and spin it where we don’t look like complete morons.
Chris to Licker – Well, look why don’t you just appeal the ruling, and that way we won’t have to do any ‘splaining right here before your Celebration.
Licker to Chris – That would be a good idea Chris, but those Einsteins handling this – McGartland and Eichler, were all for it. And I tried to tell them it wouldn’t work, but anyway, the darn suit was done in such a way that the Federal Judge put a “SLAM DUNK” SUMMARY JUDGMENT on us, and now we are in a box canyon with no way out.
“Chris to Licker” – Do you have any idea how I should explain that you have waited until THREE days before the Celebration starts to do this? People are already in, and they are going to be hot about it.
“Licker to Chris” – Well, we like to keep Tennessee green.
“Chris to Licker” – Well look, you have really made this difficult for me. Whatever my fee is now, I am going to have to double it. So you are going to have to help keep Chicago green, too.
“Head Licker” – Ok Ok, we’ll pay it ….errrrr … I’ll find someone to pay for it.
So here’s what Purple Lady Chris Mather did:
* PURPLE BALONEY #1 – “SHOW agrees with penalties and since its inception in 2009 has had the harshest penalties in the industry. We did however disagree with the rule because we believed it would have a negative impact on the reform movement now taking hold in the industry,” said a SHOW HIO spokesperson.” PLEASE NOTE THAT THE SPOKESPERSON HAS NO NAME. NOBODY TAKES CREDIT FOR THIS TOTAL UNMITIGATED DISASTER. LINE OF THE YEAR “REFORM MOVEMENT TAKING HOLD – DOUBLE BARF
* PURPLE BALONEY #2 – “SHOW filed the lawsuit on June 26, 2012, along with two other parties. After a year of court hearings and meetings, the judge ruled in favor of the USDA and the validity of its requirements of HIOs to adopt the minimum penalty protocol as part of their certification with the department. SHOW had a very short amount of time to make a decision before The Celebration but has decided to begin implementing the minimum penalty protocol at the event.” MORE BARF
* PURPLE BALONEY #3 – “After the judge’s July ruling, SHOW officials consulted with their legal counsel, advisors and the USDA prior to making their decision. “We were put in a real time crunch with the judge’s ruling taking a year and coming out less than a month before the Celebration. SO SHOW WAITS UNTIL 3 DAYS BEFORE THE CELEBRATION STARTS TO DROP THE HAMMER ON ITS PATRONS. IN SHOW’S BEHALF, THE WORD COING OUT OF SHELBYVILLE, “TRUST US – SLAM DUNK – WE CAN’T LOSE”
* PURPLE BALONEY #4 – In order to protect Celebration exhibitors, it was previously announced that anyone who had entered horses by the deadline of August 6 and who disagreed with the subsequent decision on the penalties could withdraw their entries and have their monies refunded prior to the show,” said Mike Inman, Celebration CEO. “We would have liked to have had more time to alert our exhibitors but unfortunately were not able to do that.” WHAT “CHEF” CELEBRATION CEO MIKE SAID IS SOME HIGH QUALITY HORSE POOP.
* PURPLE BALONEY #5 – In addition, SHOW also informed USDA officials that they would not be appealing the judge’s decision. SHOW representatives met with Dr. Chester Gipson, Dr. Rachel Cezar and Dr. Andrea Morgan on Friday August 16 for over two hours. The discussion included a recap of this year and both organizations praised the cooperation between the USDA VMO’s and the SHOW DQP’s. Logistics, procedures and planning were also discussed with no significant changes being anticipated. DER FUHRER HOWARD’S SURRENDER PARTY HAD TWO HOURS TO BOW AND SCRAPE AND MAKE NICE AND ACT LIKE THEY HAD NOT SPIT IN THE FACE OF THE USDA. GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE.
“HERR” DAVID L. HOWARD – THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN
So there you have it from the green land of Shelbyville, where “Herr” David L. Howard, the man behind the curtain, FINALLY had to come out from behind it and also take his Consigliere John T. Bobo with him and try to go up to Washington and make them think none of this ever happened.
Now if they can only make the people in Shelbyville believe it never happened.